3.18.2013

In need of a critique or two......

Several years ago
I started writing a piece of 
young adult fiction.
In fact, it was 2009.

I gave my readers
a snippet to critique.
And then...I wrote a bit more and
abandoned the poor
little story.

I have many pieces
of abandoned writing.
Many stories, dreams, characters
left hanging...

...mainly due to this "author's" inability
to get her act together.

So my friends, please read (or perhaps reread if you have stuck with me for 4 years).
Critique away. I NEED motivation from those that read my writing , view my photographs, understand the inner workings of this brain!

I included a  photo of the lighthouse, 
as it is definitely
an inspiration.



Untitled

She pulled the worn Frisbee back toward her shoulder, taking in a bigger than usual breath of air before releasing the disc fast and straight. The salty air filled her lungs, giving her an indescribable sense of peace. But the angle of the sun and the muted pinkish-purple hue of the sky made her realize that she was going to be late...again.

“Come on Sam, let’s go,” she said, her body suddenly tense from head to toe.

“I promised Dad I would be home before dark. It’s going to be close. Come on, let’s run.”

Sam looked up at Molly with understanding, dropping the punctured Frisbee at her feet. Molly grabbed it, unconsciously wiping the saliva across her cutoff jeans. Molly and Sam ran quickly past the lighthouse, over the wide expanse of green grass, across the gravel filled driveway, and down the clamshell path to the cottage. Daylight seemed to hang by a thread, knowing that a promise was at stake.

As Molly turned the knob to the front door, she heard the crunching sound of tires on the driveway. She closed the door behind her, knowing she had made it…this time. 

Molly quickly washed her hands and poured a bowl of cold water for Sam.

“Our secret,” she whispered in his ear, leaving a quick kiss on top of his head.

She opened the door just in time to see her dad stepping down from his red 1970 Chevy pickup. A smile crossed his face as he saw her approaching.

story copyright Monica at Prince Snow Farm

20 comments:

  1. Oh wow, what a wonderful snippet. You have me wanting more.

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  2. Yep, I wanted to read more. Now what?

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    Replies
    1. I am not sure Teresa! Actually, I have about 20 more pages written.....but.....

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  3. GOOD MORNING MY DEAR! OH, like you, I too have many abandoned pieces of poetry but here is what is happening to me:

    I have had this entire year OFF from full-time teaching to find what it is I really want to focus on. I had thought it would be illustrating/selling on Etsy, but that is NOT what I want to spend my time doing.

    Writing is the key for me. However, special time must be set aside for this most sacred task.

    Another thing, if you really want critique, you must join a local writers' club. Blogging space and the wonderful people who make it up are WONDERFUL but you need serious literary critique to get you started on the most efficient path to get your work trimmed, prepared and inspired for further analysis. I put up ONE poem on my blog and it will be my last. If you want serious critique, you need to speak to a teacher, a professional.

    That is just my opinion, and my new experience.

    Anita

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    Replies
    1. Oh I know Anita! I am so sad you are not taking comments anymore, but you have to do what feels right! Thanks for your support!

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  4. I am no expert but it reads beautifully, you must take it further! There are a lot of books on Amazon about what to do next! Good luck!
    Ivan

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  5. You are off to a good start. I admire anyone who can put their words on paper and tell a good story. What is going to happen next?

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  6. I want more!!! Children, the beach, lighthouses, dogs . . . What's not to love!

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  7. Okay, you piqued my interest . . . keep writing!

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  8. This looks like a good start - love the setting! I wasn't sure of Sam's identity at first which was a bit confusing. You might want to tag him more obviously as a dog since when Molly talked about Dad, I assumed Sam was a sibling at first. Once I hit saliva and bowl it was obvious, but you want to be clear in your opening. Also teens might be more interested in the MC's relationship to other teens than to her dad.

    I'd recommend you join SCBWI, which offers writing conferences for children's book writers and illustrators and helps you find local crit partners. I think there is a writing conference in April in Massachusetts so you should register soon as it fills up quickly. Good luck!
    http://www.scbwi.org/

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sarah! I know you an expert on this, so it means a lot that you took the time....yes, I agree about the teen relationship, good point. And as for the unknown identity of the dog, I thought I was being clever holding out on that at first, but perhaps not so much!

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  9. I'm going to be totally honest with you, I am not a huge reader. This sounds great and would love to know what happens next. I have no idea or educated opinion on writing. I am not able to give you a proper critique, but I love that you are putting it out there and asking. An honest opinion is the only valuable opinion.

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  10. Just an idea, but have you thought about including gardening in it? You have such a passion for it, that I think it would come across in your writing. Or maybe you could start by writing a column for your local paper about gardening, maybe from the start of the season to the end. Just some thoughts!

    E.

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    Replies

    1. Including gardening sounds fabulous...actually, I have been contemplating a whole new story and have been doing just that! A column for the paper would be like a dream come true my anonymous friend!

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Thanks for chatting!

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