August Wishes

It's August. And for teachers, well, at least for my husband and I, a depression starts to edge its nasty self into our beautiful summer. Our summer where we have spent everyday with our 7 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son. Our summer of growing vegetables, tending the lawn, picking flowers, swimming lessons, golf lessons, track competitions. Our summer of cooking meals, and catching up on projects. Our summer of reading lots of books, writing in journals, and actually keeping up with the laundry. Our summer of shades up and windows open by 6:30 am. Our summer of playing Sorry and UNO, and dominoes.Our summer of trying to keep to a budget as the funds dwindle.

I know some of you are sneering right now...perhaps thinking I'm selfish to feel this way. But remember...I don't get paid for the summer...and yes, it's OUR choice to stay home with our kids. I sell LOTS of things on EBAY and have been trying on Etsy as well. I plan short weekend jaunts a few hrs north, and stick to a pretty strict budget. My husband works a part time job during hockey season...also trying to help extend our summer dough. And we live in Massachusetts, where teacher salaries, benefits, and retirements DO NOT even come close to other states.

So where am I going with this? I actually LOVE being home with the kids. I LOVe making lunch and dinner and baking. I LOVE decorating and rearranging...and yes, sometimes even cleaning. I wish I was a stay at home mom. There, I've said it. I really do. I wish I could pop in on my daughter at lunch time at school. I wish I could run a forgotten book or backpack. I wish I could watch as they climb the stairs to the bus each day. I wish I could have the house perfect and a snack waiting as they arrive home each day. I wish I had time to work on several writing projects I have begun.

I even went so far a few yrs ago to write to major corporations and ask if they'd sponsor me as a stay at home mom for 1 yr. Didn't work. The offer still stands!

So for now, I will go bake some GF cupcakes, and put the laundry away. I will go pick some tomatoes and cukes and bring our homegrown gifts to the neighbors, I will watch my son lounging on the sun porch reading a book, and my daughter playing with her dolls...but I will do it with a heaviness on my shoulders.

I will play the lottery tonight.

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